The unspoken truths about gay dating
They say gay dating is hard work; I鈥檓 here to tell you it is.
This is particularly true if you have recently put yourself back out on the market after a long-term relationship or if you are relatively new to the gay dating world. I鈥檓 telling you it鈥檚 tough and scary out there.
It is a reality that some people simply have a harder time than others meeting people and dating. There are many explanations but what is most important to understand is that having a hard time meeting someone does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Well, unless you鈥檙e that crazy stalker kinda guy.
Dating requires stamina. Do you have the stamina that is needed? You need to develop the stomach for failure and disappointment, because there are many. I still remember some of the shocking dates I鈥檝e been on, like this one time where we introduced ourselves, ordered food and didn鈥檛 talk the whole time.
It was so awkward and painful because I love to chat, so to sit there thinking ‘God, does this guy really dislike me that much he can鈥檛 event speak to me?’
Or the time my date was checking his Grindr messages in front of me.
And then you have the dates where the connection is strong, you might have a kiss and think ‘wow, this is a good feeling’, but then you never hear from him again.
Bad dates are good lessons in disguise. Every date you go on should have something for you to take from it. Calculate the good from the bad and eventually you鈥檒l see the signs that make you filter out the bad eggs from the good ones.
Dating has also changed so much. It鈥檚 now all about watching Netflix and meaningless fucking and missed opportunities because of all the apps. Even if you鈥檙e asked out on an official date, you won鈥檛 know it because it鈥檒l be called 鈥渉anging out,鈥� which is the vaguest phrase ever.
It could mean they want to be friends with you or date you or fuck you. No one knows. You just have to guess which outfit would work the best and pray that you鈥檙e right.
But I can say when a guy really likes you, you鈥檒l know it.
The truth is when a person has feelings, he wants to be with you all the time He wants to call you, text you, read your Facebook profile and skim through your pictures. If he鈥檚 not making any effort at all to stay in contact, it鈥檚 a pretty safe bet where his feelings lie.
We also have so many rules these days, I can鈥檛 even keep up.
We shouldn鈥檛 text them too much. We shouldn鈥檛 sleep with them too early. We shouldn鈥檛 come across as too eager, the list goes on and on.
We鈥檙e trying to follow so many dating rules, so even if we like someone, it鈥檚 impossible to let them know. Our community has created boundaries that keep us from moving at a natural pace and developing something real.
Too many of us think we need to fit a certain image in order to be liked. But when I ask my friends what they are looking for, most will likely tell you they want to connect with a man who is comfortable with who he and is confident. When you try to impress someone too hard, you run the risk of coming off as fake.
A gay relationship doesn鈥檛 define your worth. You have value. We all do.
We鈥檝e won the biggest lottery there is in the universe: life. That means we鈥檙e worthy of everything it has to offer.
As a hopeless romantic myself, as tough as it can be sometimes my advice is just be you and keep putting yourself out there, because when you do find that guy that loves you for who you are no matter what, it鈥檚 all totally worth it.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this article!
I had an experience of being asked to go for a catch up on a beach, at a lunch table. I was seeing it as a “get-to-know-you” session (unsure whether it was 100% dating or not as it was more like 2 way rather than 1 way thinking). The whole time, I was one talking and sharing things, the guy across the table simply listened and kept smiling (which was nice regardless). But whenever I asked him questions, his very limited word count in each of his replies was like squeezing toothpaste out really hard before it almost ran out. Now I think, a true feeling of being 100% connected or on the same page in a conversation (regardless who talks more who talks less), is very very IMPORTANT – it is a feeling you get quite easily, so feel relaxed and follow your gut feeling. Think this is just one of people who walk past or may stop by you like those in a railway station. There are more to come, so, be yourself, and take it as an experience if it doesn’t turn out to be a romance you expect.
I agree with the second part of article: I have met those who don’t intentionally “dress to impress” but end up in a relationship they are still very happy about. What looks on the outside doesn’t necessarily give you any bonus in increasing the chance of finding a long term partner. They may look at you for a few more seconds, have a chat with you longer, but you may still end up being single after all these. A natural you at the get-go is making everything easy in the first place, not just for you but also for the person you date.
I’m not sure what Steve wants, a two house couple, a two car couple… really it’s just a tad of excessive consumption.
If all parties to a relationship have to have assets, then polyamoury make a huge amount of sense.
An amazing story and so true,Thankyou.
As a single man I have noticed that there are just too many men not interested in a relationship let alone a friendship.
It’s extremely hard to meet someone as their so extremely descrete and not wanting anyone to know that their gay,I’ll give you an example,most men who haunt gay apps are looking for “straight-acting” in other words so they don’t attract suspicion about their sexuality.
I’ve noticed also that the mindset for gay men is how they are wired now is for chat/meet/blowNgo..
It’s so true and our community is set for disaster,why?
In older age (If you make it as our Community never talks about it) there’s going to be a lot of lonely gay men.
Secondly there is a HUGE CATASTOPHE looming for single gay people.
Another topic that is ignored….
Housing! With the “Now In LIfestyle” of being single/Gay/descrete,how in 2016 and beyond is the average single gay person being able to buy a home?
Let alone retire after working for a lifetime?
I have learned that there is a huge number of single gay men in their late 30’s & 40’s who have nothing,no car,hardly any savings,and if their lucky maybe a car.
This has been my experience on “Dates” I seem to meet men who think it’s funny and their life is ok.
The last 2 guys I have met it has been a disaster for me,the first had pending Court Appearences,the other major problems with his family,and yes both broke…
I’ll tell you that it’s extremely hard to meet someone in Sydney who’s financial secure,got their own home,a car,a permanant full-time job…and a future plan for retirement…and most of all wanting a relationship..not an open one….
If we don’t stall talking about the Gay Community Investing in the future,when the lights come the party will be over!
Thanks
“I鈥檒l tell you that it鈥檚 extremely hard to meet someone in Sydney who鈥檚 financially secure..,got their own home,..a car, a permanent full-time job鈥nd a future plan for retirement鈥nd most of all wanting a relationship…not an open one鈥�.”
Welcome to Sydney.
And with a shopping list like that, it sounds like you’ll fit in just fine.
There are so many attractive guys out in the scene globally that monogamy can be hard to maintain…