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Are you one of those girls who likes to get your boobs out in public? I’m not — too shy. Unless we’ve had sex or you bathed me as a kid, chances are you haven’t seen my boobs.

It’s not that I’m not proud of my boobs. They’re decent boobs, a little too big for my liking — they sometimes get in the way when I play sport — but my gf likes them and right now she’s the only one getting a look.

I saw a lot of boobs at Mardi Gras — topless girls riding bikes and off-chops gay boys groping them. What is it with gay boys and boobs, by the way?

In fact I see a lot of boobs on the queer scene in general. When I first came out, I was worried this meant I had to get my boobs out of the closet too.

I remember attending a night called ‘Girl Bar’ in Melbourne where flexible femmes pole-danced topless on the dancefloor. I had a look and clapped but then felt sleazy so went and got a drink instead. Later it got so hot that lots of other girls started getting their ‘girls’ out too. I wasn’t sure where to look so just stared at my feet.

I really don’t mind if girls bare their breasts — good on them. But I can’t help getting awkward — especially if I know the girl.

One time a group of us were dancing up a storm at a jam-packed Mardi Gras party when all of a sudden my pals whipped off their tops. Admittedly they still had their bras on but this was a side of them I’d never seen before — a new level of intimacy had been thrust upon me and I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

Underwear aside, I think it was the realisation that my butch mates actually had breasts that threw me.

Luckily I’d drunk so much champagne I could barely focus so I gazed at the laser lights and pretended everything was normal.

I know it’s weird but I’ve been like this forever. Even in the school change rooms, I’d face the wall to put my PE top on. And you’d never catch me sunning my funbags at the beach.

And so I put it to you: To boob, or not to boob? That is the question.