As a serial monogamist, I often wonder if my piercings and tattoos are there to mask the fact that I鈥檓 actually a conservative, boring human being.
The idea of being in an open relationship makes me uncomfortable despite the fact many couples seem happy sharing the love around.
In theory I get it 鈥� monogamy is a social ritual considered normal in the same way girls wear pink, boys wear blue, they fall in love and get married.
Secondly, we have intimate relationships with people who aren鈥檛 our lovers on many different levels so why should a physical sexual exchange be harder to accept?
Thirdly, it鈥檚 unrealistic to think one person can satisfy your every desire forever, which is why relationships break up 鈥� so if everyone鈥檚 cool with it why not have multiple partners simultaneously?
And finally, open relationships are the most truthful as monogamy forces us to suppress our natural sexual urges for other people. As a queer, I鈥檓 used to fucking with convention, so what am I afraid of?
Call me old-fashioned but the idea of my partner sleeping with someone else breaks my heart. For me, the depth of intimacy that comes with an exclusive sexual relationship outweighs a fling with a random hottie.
While casual sex is exciting it鈥檚 largely about ego. I鈥檝e come to realise the best sex is about letting go and I can鈥檛 do that with someone I don鈥檛 know very well.
Aside from the practical dilemmas (what if both your lovers鈥� birthdays fall on the same day?!), there鈥檚 a part of me that suspects some people open up their relationships because they鈥檙e not with the right person.
Break-ups suck, so rather than ripping off the Band-Aid quickly, they test the waters of single life with the security of a partner to fall back on 鈥� so many people鈥檚 emotions at stake.
Sexuality isn鈥檛 as clear-cut as being gay or straight, so I totally get that relationships can be more complicated than just being monogamous or polygamous. You may have a primary partner and fuck buddies, more than one gf or bf with whom you are totally in love, or just some folks you like to mess around with.
I guess the key to any healthy relationship is being open and honest with yourself and articulating what works for you. Right now I just want another tattoo.
By MONIQUE SCHAFTER
This articulate article hits the mark for me and your closing argument in regards to being open honest leads to a healthy relationship are true. But what truly impressed me was identyfing casual sex as ego inflation and the best sex is “about letting go”..after 18 yrs of sex with my partner….the letting go gets better. I enjoyed your writing. Thanks.
An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults. If monogamy is what someone needs, or wants, they should have it. And if someone wants or needs some form of honest nonmonogamy, they should have it. Let adults decide for themselves. One size does not fit all.