Image: Jillian Michaels
YOU聽are not required to come out if you don鈥檛 want to.
There is absolutely no reason why the stranger who assumes you are sisters, or asks whether you鈥檙e best friends, should be corrected if you don鈥檛 want to correct them.
Jillian Michaels, the Biggest Loser-popularised personal trainer, recently came under heavy social media scrutiny .
When she goes out with her partner Heidi and is asked “are you sisters?鈥�, Michaels admits that she tells them that they鈥檙e friends, which she says comes from thinking they will be 鈥渟hocked or disturbed鈥�.
She then admitted that it would be a dream to be 鈥渘ormal鈥� with a 鈥渟trapping football player husband鈥�.
Naturally, Twitter lost the plot.
There seemed to be no end to the calling out of Michaels, saying that she was calling homosexuality abnormal and, essentially, making people feel like crap.
I thought we must be reading different parts of the interview. Astoundingly, this wasn鈥檛 the case.
While increasingly I say 鈥渘o, this is my partner鈥� when I am asked if my girlfriend is related to me, it鈥檚 absurd to suggest that everyone should be forced to come out to any person prying into their life.聽Choosing the easy answer isn鈥檛 always a bad thing, and it by no means lessens your identity or pushes you back into the closet.
If someone I was getting to know, or that I was working with and was likely to see again, asked 鈥� then I would likely tell them. I鈥檓 not embarrassed by my relationship in any way. However, when a telemarketer knocks on my door and I tell them I can鈥檛 make a decision on the spot without my partner? They can assume that my partner is a 鈥渉e鈥� and I won鈥檛 bother correcting them.
So when that woman who asks in the shops whether my partner and I are聽sisters (and, despite our differences in nationality and vastly different appearances, this happens regularly), I鈥檒l happily just say “friends” once in a while. Because, yes, it鈥檚 easier.
If you鈥檇 do otherwise, then I support your right to be able to tell that person as you wish. I fully understand the importance of representing homosexuality and normalising it.
But some days, feel free to not have to explain yourself to someone who doesn鈥檛 matter in your life. We can鈥檛 spend our every waking moment being ambassadors for the LGBTI community. Some days I just can鈥檛 be bothered adding an extra layer of potential conflict or awkwardness to my busy schedule.
It鈥檚 also hurtful to suggest that Michaels shouldn鈥檛 be able to voice her personal struggle with homosexuality. I will happily add my voice to the chorus of those who have at some point wished to be 鈥渘ormal鈥�, whatever that means. I鈥檇 say Michaels is actually more 鈥渘ormal鈥� in her desire to be 鈥渘ormal鈥� than she may even realise.
I have immense sympathy for someone who is in the spotlight and who is under plenty of scrutiny about her life. Not everyone feels the same way about their identity. While it was a struggle, now I know that this is my normal.
You know why it would, as she terms it, 鈥渂e such a dream to be ‘normal’ like that鈥�? Because you wouldn鈥檛 have people asking you these questions in the first place.
You wouldn鈥檛 have to think about your response every time some person you don鈥檛 know questions the nature of your relationship. And if you went on the record in a magazine, you wouldn鈥檛 have all of these people losing their mind over the fact that you put your hands up and said 鈥測ou know what? I would like life to be easier鈥�. That鈥檚 no revelation to me.
Some days I just want to get on with my life, with little care as to whether my relationship offends anyone else or not. If I walk down the street holding hands with my girlfriend, and they assume we鈥檙e friends, well, so be it.
Add to this the layer of having a child, as Michaels does, and I鈥檇 imagine that my conservatism would hit a new high. As a parent, your job is to protect that child and your family from physical and emotional pain. There鈥檚 a lot of irrational hatred out there, and if avoiding it means telling some stranger that you and your wife are “friends” then it鈥檚 likely you鈥檒l do it.
Jillian Michaels has since spoken about the backlash regarding her comments, .
After clarifying that by 鈥渘ormal鈥� she meant what is popularly perceived to be normal, she then said this gem: 鈥淚f I was ashamed of who I am, I would be in the closet.鈥�
It鈥檚 far from in the closet to be out to the world, in a magazine discussing your homosexuality and living your life with a same-sex partner. If she then chooses to make her life a little simpler by not explaining herself to everyone who asks, then that is her choice and nothing to be demonised about.
Fadi – most of the sentiment on this page clearly shows that most of us are in total agreement. The only thing that is a stand- out is your attack on Ian Thorpe. The fact is he too is entitled to handle things the way he want’s to and no he hasn’t used his sexuality for financial gain by lying. Best not to be too judgemental.
Ladyy KaKa
She is a woman in love with another woman, end of story. She doesn’t has to label herself!
*move ….p.s if you’re worried about coming out if the closet then maybe you shouldn’t pose for pictures of you and your family
Why does it have to be about being gay or straight if she’s asked then be proud of who she is with pride….they aren’t asking you are you gay….. If she were a man you wouldn’t say this is my heterosexual boyfriend….. I’m not gay or straight…..I am a Mexican American woman named Yaridia and my girlfriend”s name is Lissa simple as that …. If she doesn’t want to disclose then simply say no…we’re not related and more on ….your close guilt compels you to feel like you have to explain further when in fact no one has asked you to…perhaps…. Who knows….. I’m so over the closet! There”s more pressing things like babies being thrown is the trash or going hungry to be concerned about who everyone is sleeping with or how strong your flow is! (Sorry Anthony Venn-Brown. I had to throw that one it!)
and so glad we met on the dance floor SFO Pride 2013 :-)
Xoxo
Rach Howe
She’s hot! I would!!
When you are a pubic figure unfortunately you must be honest. Nothing pisses me off more than public figures bucketing big $$ on things like their sexuality (Ian Thorpe is master in doing that), their binge drinking problems, their drugs issues etc…. Yes in theory you don’t have to tell the world anything, but when you are asked a simple question why should you lie rather than answering it? Are you embarrassed with who you are? Scared? If you can’t accept who you are why would others do? ( and it’s not only about your sexuality).
In fact what makes us LGBTIQ people as abnormal is our fucked up attitude towards who we are. One day we want equality, the next we don’t want to talk about it, then we want to get married, but can’t be bothered doing anything about it…. I actually feel sorry for straight people having to deal with such indecisive bunch of people like us! And frankly the rise of homophobia at present is our own doing! Once we acknowledge that we became our own worst enemy, only then we can move forward and become “normal”. What happened to the “I’m here, I’m queer, get used to it” attitude? Geeeee
Fadi, you make a fair point about the status quo being different for those who are public personas. However, I don’t necessarily think she has exploited her sexuality and then done an about turn. If anything, she has been completely honest about her personal challenges with homosexuality to the media and to the public. I wouldn’t class myself as a Jillian Michaels fan as such (not a Biggest Loser fan, nor do I follow many celebrities or personal trainers), but when she said what she did it resonated with me.
Whether or not we like it, public figures (if she can be called that) are human beings, and deserve freedom and respect the same as everyone else.
I also think that your statement about LGBTIQ people having “fucked up attitude towards who we are” is a little unfair. The majority of people, regardless of sexuality, go through periods of doubting or just downright disliking themselves. We are all part of some minority or another. I’m also not sure that there is a “rise” in homophobia at present – at least in my experience of where I have lived and who I have met. It is vastly different than the experiences of those in our community who are older than me. I’ve never feared for my personal safety due to my sexuality, nor have I ever felt compelled to defend myself to anyone I’ve met (in person – the internet is a different anonymous mess). I know many older LGBTIQ people who have vastly different stories growing up.
One thing I do concede to is the idea that we can be most damaging to ourselves. My fears and dread around coming out, my own insecurities, were, in hindsight, worse than what actually happened by a long shot. However, those internalised fears are based on what we have heard and seen and what is the “norm” around us. I don’t blame my teenage self for feeling abnormal, and I certainly don’t blame my younger self for causing a rise in homophobia! Most kids feel abnormal – my reasons were just different.
Feeling proud of who you are isn’t an automatic thing for many people. We shouldn’t begrudge those who take longer to get to that point.
Hi Jennifer Duke, I did not say that she in particular has absurd her status; but generally speaking public figures get to abuse their status. Look at Ian Thorpe. He was paid so much money to once again lie on tv and say I’m gay. Paris Hilton gets to be released from prison because the sheets are not soft and she has a skin irritation. Surely you and me will never be so lucky to abuse the system as they do;)
Haha I don’t pretend to know much about celebrities! But I think it’s irrelevant in this particular situation referring to Michaels.
I don’t see why a celebrity who doesn’t use that aspect of themselves to make money must be open to sharing their intimate thoughts and feelings with others.
In saying that, I do agree that if they’re exploiting other people for their own gain then it should generally be exposed.
I heartily agree with Jillian – Sometimes this world makes me wish I was ‘normal’ and has a buxom wife instead if a boyfriend (that I can’t marry in this country).
Anyway, ones sexuality is their own personal identity and can choose how they share it and with whom.
She is completely right.
Why should a nobody know her personal business.
It should be up to her when to share such details or when to just say yeah sure so that the person would move along.
I dont know any gay lesbian who hasnt done this
It’s true you don’t need to come out to every person you meet does the guy in the servo of the town you’re passing through 500kms away really need to be corrected if he says your husband instead of girlfriend/wife. I do it I just can’t be bothered talking to people enough to go through it & then hear about their sisters friends gay cousin blah blah blah.
She has the right to choose when to disclose. Unless there was an international vote that elected her to be the 24 how walking lgbti ambassador that I wasn’t aware of, why should she do something she isn’t comfortable with at the time?
It’s her life and she can do with her sexuality what she wants. Everyone else can shut the fuck up.
You’re a dick. If you’re not in the relationship it’s none of your business
Perhaps. I suppose it rings true for some. It’s just such a personal thing. We should all be able to come out on out own terms.
“After clarifying that by 鈥渘ormal鈥� she meant what is popularly perceived to be normal, she then said this gem: 鈥淚f I was ashamed of who I am, I would be in the closet.鈥�
It鈥檚 far from in the closet to be out to the world, in a magazine discussing your homosexuality and living your life with a same-sex partner. If she then chooses to make her life a little simpler by not explaining herself to everyone who asks, then that is her choice and nothing to be demonised about.”
Exactly. No one has the right to tell others how they should live