今日吃瓜

IT wasn鈥檛 until recently that I discovered how completely provoked and offended some people feel by the word 鈥渜ueer鈥�.

I鈥檇 wager that depending on your age and experiences, your reaction to the term will differ.

We鈥檙e reclaiming the word, but it鈥檚 still yet to become something that everyone uses comfortably. Unlike many other words in the LGBTI dictionary, queer has the ability to divide by just its mention alone 鈥� provoking an instant response.

The desire for 鈥渨iggle room鈥� when it comes to identity is not new. Many people see sexuality as a fluid thing, yet many of the terms we use for it are anything but flexible. Lesbian and bisexual conjure up very specific ideas of who you are, and in a world where solid labels comfort those around us it鈥檚 no wonder that they are popular identifiers.

The truth is that most people don鈥檛 fall on 100 per cent of either end of the spectrum, and 鈥�95 per cent lesbian鈥� or 鈥渂asically gay鈥� are not hugely acceptable terms.

You may consider yourself bisexual, but only really interested in having a same-sex relationship or heterosexual relationship. Technically, you can use the term bisexual 鈥� but don鈥檛 be surprised if people want to set you up with people you wouldn鈥檛 want to be with.

Recently, a 2011 article in Hoax perzine titled Not 鈥淨ueer鈥� as in 鈥淩adical鈥� but 鈥淟esbian鈥� as in Fuck You caught my eye. Rachel, the trans* writer, explained that she鈥檇 started using the word 鈥渓esbian鈥� instead of 鈥渜ueer鈥� and had received some angered, transphobic responses. Clearly, the 鈥渓esbian鈥� label can be seen by some as a little black and white in its usage and it wouldn鈥檛 be the first time a woman was told she couldn鈥檛 use the term because she鈥檇 expressed attraction to men or because she had transitioned.

We also read time and time again the identity crisis that the partner of someone who transitions goes through. In a July article in Diva, Suzy transitioned to become Jacob, and it was his lesbian-identified wife Jane that had the ensuing identity crisis 鈥� feeling she needed to re-assert her 鈥淚鈥檓 still a lesbian though鈥� identity to everyone she met. Identity is no simple matter and no one fits perfectly into a label.

These things can be hard to describe to people who aren鈥檛 in your inner circle, and sometimes it鈥檚 nice to just have a bracket term that describes your openness to possibility, change and exploration, while maintaining your distance from being heterosexual. That bracket term is certainly 鈥渜ueer鈥�, a term that is now the vast umbrella that can shelter us all from being categorised.

Yet it鈥檚 a word best used with caution.

Universities have changed substantially over the past 30 years, but they鈥檙e still where many people form their identity and where shifts in social thinking can be best seen. Now we see University of Technology, Sydney鈥檚 and University of NSW鈥檚 gay social groups proudly dub themselves The Queer Collective, and many others have similar titles.

However, while it鈥檚 becoming increasingly acceptable to use the term, it鈥檚 all about context. One thing so many of us fail to do is to be sensitive to the experiences of those around us, particularly those who are older than us who have fought for many of the freedoms we take for granted.

Those of us in our 20s have largely grown up with a level of acceptance that our seniors did not always enjoy. Many names may have been thrown your way, but the choice insult of today is rarely the word queer.

It does indeed still mean unusual, or abnormal, and with this in mind it鈥檚 clear why some might see it as highly derogatory. Telling someone they鈥檙e 鈥渁bnormal鈥� is often perceived as one of the highest insults, particularly when the backdrop is that of homophobia and a fight for equality and acceptance.

In my personal situation, it鈥檚 the word 鈥渄yke鈥� that still holds a sting for me. I wouldn鈥檛 like to be referred to in this way, although I know many use it proudly 鈥� good for them. We all have terms that take us back to a not so happy place. There are many more words that make me want to curl up on the inside, and we should always remember the power words and names have.

With this in mind, while the word is seeing a growing movement of acceptance that is almost synonymous with the growing pride movement, no one has the right to ask anyone to accept a term that they consider offensive or that pains them. By all means, embrace the term and use it, just don鈥檛 let it come as a surprise that other people prefer different labels.

Jennifer Duke is a proud lesbian and the editor of . Follow her on Twitter:聽

**This article was first published in the December聽edition of the Star Observer, which is . To obtain a hard copy, to find out where you can grab one聽in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Canberra and select regional areas.