今日吃瓜

I pulled out my outdoor table chair at the pizza restaurant the other night and paused when I saw a neighbouring diner with a dog at his feet.

鈥淗ello puppy, hello there!鈥�

I ruffled a beautiful dog鈥檚 soft brown mane as I sat down at the table. I laughed as she nuzzled into my hands and stared up at me with her big brown eyes. I was busy replicating her look at the owner.

The giveaway here is the word 鈥榙og鈥�. If I were a dog person I would have been able to articulate what breed she was and her actual colour. She would be a crossbred something or other or a pure breed. A chocolate mocha coat or a cappuccino brown.

I had a dog when I was 12. His name was Mister Meaner, and he lived up to his name regularly.

After a few boring months with us and a moment where we thought he had rabies, he was sent to my grandparents to work on the farm to save him from our tomfoolery.

I鈥檓 not a dog person at all. I don鈥檛 mind them, but I don鈥檛 love them. I am, however, a man person.

鈥淪o, what鈥檚 its name?鈥� I quizzed the handsome owner.

鈥淣oodle,鈥� he smiled.

鈥淚s it a 鈥榮he鈥�?鈥� I rubbed her head as he affirmed a very obvious answer.

I looked at Noodle.

鈥淒o you shake hands, Miss?鈥�

I clicked my fingers and held my hand out. She put her paw up.

I actually felt warm about this very cute puppy. I love it when they shake hands, er, paws.

Is it wrong that I fake-love an animal just to chat to her owner? I checked the gay guide and it鈥檚 perfectly acceptable. In fact, it鈥檚 recommended.

As he sat down, my dining partner reminded me that I disliked dogs. I was giddily wiping drool off my hands and I don鈥檛 think it was Noodle鈥檚 drool either.

Noodle and her owner left midway through my dinner. I ignored her on the way out, but said 鈥淕ood night鈥� to him. I鈥檓 not planning on getting a dog so I can meet men, but perhaps I need to stalk the restaurant again.