Sex under pressure
Forcing a partner to have sex when they don鈥檛 want to, or making them do sex acts they鈥檙e not comfortable with, is sexual assault.
鈥淢y ex-partner was really into bondage. I had never really been into it before I met him, but I would play along because it made him happy. One night I wasn鈥檛 feeling like sex and I just wanted to cuddle. He kept going on about how hard he was and wanted to get off.
鈥淭o appease him, I told him he could tie up my hands and wank. He got himself all worked up and wanted to fuck me. I kept saying 鈥榥o鈥�, which got him more excited. I used our safe word but he ignored it. He then pushed himself into me and began thrusting. I kept yelling at him to get off but he ignored it. I couldn鈥檛 believe that someone I loved was doing this to me.鈥� Rick
It can be hard to accept that someone you care about has deliberately hurt you. It鈥檚 not just about hitting. Abuse can also include using force or fear to make you do things you don鈥檛 want to do. The use of emotional or physical violence to force another person to engage in sexual acts constitutes sexual assault.
鈥淲e were struggling a bit for cash and it was Laura鈥檚 idea for me to start doing some escort work. I didn鈥檛 want to but she made me feel guilty for spending our money. I ended up doing it and gave her the money I earned.
鈥淪he then began asking me more often to do escort work. Every time a new bill came in, she said we didn鈥檛 have enough money to pay it because I was spending too much. I kept doing the escort work so we could pay the bills.
鈥淎fter a few months I found out she was dating other girls and wining and dining them, buying expensive presents for them. I was completely shattered when I found out. My self-esteem had been completely eroded.鈥� Kelly
Any form of abuse should not be accepted in any relationship. If you feel like your relationship is abusive, help is out there.
info: Visit or contact the Safe Relationships Project at or 02 9332 1966 or 1800 244 481.
Kate Duffy is the Project Officer of the Safe Relationships Project and a solicitor at the Inner City Legal Centre.
The Let Go…Let Peace Come In Foundation is a nonprofit with a mission to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide. We are seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post a childhood photo and caption, their story, or their creative expressions to our website letgoletpeacecomein.org. By uniting survivors from across the globe we can help provide a stronger and more powerful voice to those survivors who have not yet found the courage to speak out. Together we can; together we should; together we NEED to stand up and be counted. Please visit our site for more details on how you can send us your submissions, read user submitted articles, find professionals and some daily mediations. Remember, you are not alone!