今日吃瓜

I鈥橪L never forget reading the chapter on homosexuality in Dr David Reuben鈥檚 book Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex, first published in 1969.

He wrote: 鈥淭he homosexual must constantly search for the one man, the one penis, the one experience, that will satisfy him. He is the sexual Diogenes, always looking for the penis that pleases. That is the reason he must change partners endlessly. [In gay marriages] the principals never stop cruising. They may set up housekeeping together, but the parade of penises usually continue [sic] unabated… Mercifully for both of them, the life expectancy of their relationship together is brief.鈥�

聽Even though I was only 16 years old and yet to experience a relationship, the sentiment stuck like glue to pubescent corners of my brain.

Now, as I cautiously reach the age of socially acceptable engagements and pregnancies among my straight girlfriends, I can鈥檛 help but wonder whether or not Dr Reuben was right. Are my friends at a distinct advantage when it comes to maintaining long-term relationships due to the enticing benefits of financial and legal stability marriage offers?

In a 2004 paper, psychology professor Lawrence Kurdek of Wright State University in Ohio reported that over a 12-year period, 21 per cent of gay and lesbian couples broke up, while only 14 per cent of married straight couples did. This might all sound a little drastic, but hear me out.

Scientific studies consistently prove that the intoxicating chemical response to falling in love can last anywhere from three to 18 months. Culturally coerced into believing this infatuation should last forever, unsuspecting couples will often call it quits at the first sign of natural ebb to their usual loved-up flow.

Now, if you think of a relationship as a Mario Kart racecourse, there are a number of social 鈥渂oosters鈥� in place to help straight couples overcome the lulls and rough-patches inevitable to any serious romantic union. It鈥檚 often around the two-year mark that straight couples will become engaged, the excitement of which reignites a cognitive chemical cocktail of good feelings. A year later comes the wedding 鈥� another reaffirming boost. Then the first pregnancy 鈥� yet another boost.

While same-sex couples are skidding out on metaphoric banana peels and getting KO鈥檇 by spinning turtle shells, our heterosexual counterparts have already reached the familial finish line. You see, as much as happy long-term relationships are about connection, they鈥檙e just as much about distraction. Let鈥檚 not forget that building a strong relationship (and that鈥檚 what you鈥檙e doing 鈥� building), just like any regular construction site, needs external reinforcement to keep all the slippery, wobbly bits in place. It鈥檚 simple occupational health and safety.

So what can same-sex couples do to keep the spark alive in their relationships?

In a perfect world, we鈥檇 benefit from the exact same boosters as most other couples do. But while our politicians run around like headless chooks, handling the subject of national marriage equality like a slimy bar of soap in a maximum-security prison, we鈥檙e left with little choice but to improvise. We can take a long vacation, buy a property together (not likely for us millennials, though) or adopt a few dogs (good luck finding a rental that allows dogs). Alternatively, we could have a civil union ceremony, find ourselves a lovely surrogate, and start a little rainbow family of our own. But all of this takes a tremendous about of time, paperwork, legal negotiation, and money 鈥� and many of us will struggle to last the distance unassisted.

It comes down to this: marriage is a social construct for a reason. It helps us humans move against our inherent instinct to move promiscuously through a long list of lovers, spreading our seed as far and wide as possible. Marriage is there to 鈥渂oost鈥� us when we need it. To give us a relational trajectory, a blueprint to follow.

And whether we choose to be Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, or Princess Peach 鈥� we all deserve a fair go at the challenging racecourse of long lasting love.

HOMOS ON HIATUS are creative duo Samuel Leighton-Dore and Bradley Tennant. Their blog celebrates homo-heroes and inclusive ideas. You can find them at or on Instagram: . You can also follow Samuel on Twitter:

To read Samuel Leighton-Dore鈥檚 previous columns聽for Star Observer, .

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**This article was first published in the , which is available now. 聽in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Canberra and select regional/coastal areas.

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