The slightest interest can be futile.聽 It can uncork you and make you feel empty.聽 Depleted.聽 His text, a smile – his arm around your shoulder.聽 You turn up to meet him, and he has others with him.
I got married early and came out late 鈥� I never knew what unrequited love felt like.
It鈥檚 horrible.聽 It started off feeling like love, and then when I realised what was happening, I compartmentalised it and treasured it on its occasions.聽 But then I find myself hating the emptiness that follows it.聽 I say 鈥榠t鈥� because it鈥檚 not isolated to a meeting, a movie, a drink, an email, or a thought.
I forage for his affection.
Though I鈥檓 not idle.聽 I don鈥檛 wait for him to have a change of heart nor do I wonder what he鈥檚 doing in moments of the day.聽 It鈥檚 moreso waiting for the moments he throws at you, like a treat to a pet.聽 There is no metaphor desperate enough 鈥� I literally ask how high when he says jump.
I don鈥檛 blame him, he doesn鈥檛 have to validate my feelings, he has done that already 鈥� years ago.聽 I take it then, that I am to be blamed for the conundrum of my own un-conviction?
I surveyed my peers.聽 Unrequited is a folder in everyone鈥檚 heart.聽 Varying levels that took thoughtful consideration to discuss, almost as if telling a secret.
Ranging from regular catch ups with somewhat fulfilling love, some have only mental stimuli to sustain themselves with, others again – a glimpse only of their hearts affections.
I feel somewhat embarrassed and indulgent confessing this piece tonight, what if he was reading this and thought it were he?聽 But one must be honest in matters of the heart and it鈥檚 a shared, painful topic for others too.聽 Some people get to fall in love, many never get the chance and others ask if one sided is enough?
Well, it鈥檚 one thing to fall in love鈥�
