Phoneys and frienemies
I used to think I鈥檇 scraped by without much discrimination.
Coming out wasn鈥檛 too rough. I copped the usual teenage taunts, but there was an element of academic snobbery at our school, which sheltered me somewhat. Uni was relatively uneventful.
A succession of sedate jobs and long-term boyfriends provided an emotional safety net. There鈥檚 a certain comfort in coming home to someone to share your ups and downs. I grew apart from most extended family, while others seemed pretty blas茅.
I detest the expression 鈥榮traight-acting鈥�, so let鈥檚 just say I wasn鈥檛 exactly a walking stereotype. Until now. The older I get, the girlier I become. I don鈥檛 really know what that means. But I suspect the onset of Nannamentia.
It鈥檚 very sobering when you realise you鈥檙e not as accepted as you thought.
I鈥檝e been cultivating frienemies and homophobes. Who knew! It鈥檚 comes with that sudden sinking feeling: 鈥榓hh, because I鈥檓 gay鈥�.
Family members you thought were cool can be particularly disappointing. Familial homophobia is an insidious master of disguise. Often, they鈥檙e not even aware of it themselves. I鈥檓 lucky Mum listens to my woes. The poor woman could be on her death bed and still have time to surround me in positive qi.
Many will wipe you unless you serve a purpose. Most base friendships on what you have to offer. Maybe you share common interests. Or maybe they want to be seen with you. Any hiccups though, and just watch people flee.
A handful might stick around. These are your real friends. Get to know them; they鈥檙e a dying breed.
Excuse my cynicism. I don鈥檛 mean to be a purple pander. I鈥檓 jazzed for the insight, and the best revenge is living well. It鈥檚 all good, by the way; I鈥檓 not convalescing at the home or anything. No, nothing quite so flamboyant.
But enough of my drama. I鈥檓 cleansing my chakras. It鈥檒l be so cool. Like Return of the Jedi. Only I鈥檓 not a Jedi. Time to purge the garbage from my life. And the homophobes will be the first to go.
Time to take out the trash.
I’m getting older too (isn’t that a song lyric?) but I’m not getting queeny instead I seem to be experiencing a wierd sort of isolation that is increasing as I age. I’m in the world but not of it; very odd.
I think with what we glean from these experiences, we can either chose to be bitter – or be grateful for the insight and just roll with it.
It’s funny – when I wrote this I was in a bit of a dark place & wasn’t too happy with it.
Then tonight I log-on and see it seems to have reached others, which is awesome. Appreciate the comments guys.
Cheers xxd
Older, bitter and dry, what am I a beer? (I know I’m not a bear.)
I seem to be geting more butch the older I get; moving away from the fem bar boy that I once pretended to be. Maybe it is just because we are becoming more comfortable in our own skin.
And as for friends – three levels I guess: acquaintances, friends and, pardon the ‘OZ’, best mates who will be with you through thick and thin. I’ve got maybe five real close friends that i have known now for over 20 years (Sh*t I got old fast).
I am 28 years old and this article symbolises how I am feeling at the moment
It is so true, allot of friends and family only acsept you for being who you are on the surface, if you mention any problems or issues that are gay related they just remain quiet and run away, oh but we are always there when they have problems with their hetro lifestyles and issues, it makes me so mad… Its like they love you when you make them laugh, make fun of being gay and put on a camp act.. dont get me started when my straight female friends become disapointed when I tell them I am not into fashion and going shopping…
I too am getting more femanine as I get older.. I dont know why that is.
This article explains why so many older gays are so bitter and dry.. its like whats waiting for us.
Thank you for this article, it really does spell out reality – I appluade you,
aww purple pander i bet the ones who have let u down are just jealous babe…… my family reckon they are cool too but i know they would like it better if i had a wife and kids *sigh*