“I hate my dad. I hate him so much.”
His dark brown eyes glared at me over our expensive burgers in the foodcourt, ears as hungry as mouths.听 We were halfway through a conversation about our fathers.
I twisted my lip and took a breath.
“We all听try and compensate for our dads.听 It鈥檚 the circle of life isn鈥檛 it?听 Trust me, we 鈥� I, don鈥檛 get it right all the time, and we hope the next generation improve. But I don鈥檛 hate my dad.听 I had to make peace with his shortcomings years ago.”
“I think about what I do for the mini men 鈥� stuff my dad didn鈥檛 do for me, but I can bet you now that there will be stuff I haven鈥檛 done and they will take issue with me on it.”
He took a bite and looked for my eyes “Yeah, but he is lazy, he didn鈥檛 want to have, or work, for anything beyond just living”.
I wiped my mouth with the serviette. “Maybe he thought coming to Sydney from a war torn country was the best existence 鈥� he and his family were safe.听 Maybe that was the end of the line for him?”
“I can鈥檛 imagine having to leave Sydney if there was a war here.听 To pack up the kids and move somewhere I don鈥檛 want to be.听 To struggle with the language, not swim in the beaches, not live in the house I鈥檝e made my home鈥�”
“He is depressed, he gets depressed鈥�”
“I can imagine he is,” I quietly console.
“This is probably听his听ultimate life. From here on in, it鈥檚 up to you to live your ideal.听 You can鈥檛 expect him to live to your expectations of life…鈥�” I smiled at my friend over the table “鈥his is a bit intense for lunch time, isn鈥檛 it?”
We walked down to the street and we prepared to part ways.听 We clapped hands as awkwardly as we looked. 听“Hey, you have a good weekend, and let鈥檚 have a night catch up soon鈥� you can cook the chook,” I watch his smile.
I walked down the street back to work and thought about the conversation.听 Hate born from hate in a roundabout way.听 Love for a dad, conditionally.听 Maybe another way to look at this was that there is a single solution for both he and his dad as well as the fatherland.
Peace.
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