今日吃瓜

In less than two months, the big man turns five. The big party, it seems, is a very big deal to this now very astute, grown-up boy. I’ve started planning for the party like an event planner on heat. All I’m missing is a clipboard.

The theme of the event is nothing short of everything superhero. Read: Undies on the outside of your pants party -鈥� and no girls allowed. Sounds like WoofClub really.

Starting with the crucial first item, what on God’s green earth am I going to wear?脗聽 Spider-Man?脗聽 Superman?脗聽 Donatello from the Ninjas?脗聽 I think Batman -鈥� he has a chest plate costume with nice abs… time to go back to the gym… FAST.

The second major hurdle, the cake.脗聽 This task was quickly removed from my ex’s hands (she couldn’t make cakes taste less like sand and rocks if she tried).脗聽 So my dextrous friend upstairs in my apartment building is donning his apron (sans pants he tells me) to help create The Cake.脗聽 (On a side note, perhaps I could kidnap someone from BGF Bake-Off to cook my cake).

I remember my fifth birthday cake.脗聽 My mother went nuts creating a really cool bunny head with massive ears made out of -鈥� wait for it -鈥� grey and green-coloured desiccated coconut.脗聽 Why she chose to make a bunny I do not know. I don’t recall having a fetish for them. The whiskers and eyes were made from liquorice -鈥� it was a real treat at the time.

Now kids want laser-surfaced cakes with images worthy of a Playstation game.

I also remember my fifth birthday party.脗聽 It was a rainy winter’s day in Wollongong. I hated having a winter birthday, I couldn’t have a pool party or go to the beach.

All my friends came over and we ran around the house getting high on sugar, eating lollies, getting drunk on lemonade and playing games such as pin-the-tail and musical chairs. I remember complaining to my mother

I wasn’t winning any prizes and it was my party… (and I’m sure she sang the song, which is another facet in why I am who I am today!) Another notable memory is my father’s absence from the event.

Beau is going to be suitably impressed, so when he is three… err, late 20s, he can be writing about how good his fifth birthday was.

I can picture it now -鈥� the cake, standing proudly in the middle of the room, lights beaming on to it, violins announcing its arrival. The pinnacle of the cake has Superman exploding from the frosting as I, wearing my Batman costume (just so I can wear the black eyeliner underneath the eye mask), set fire to the sausages on the BBQ outside and need to call firefighters to help me extinguish the flames (note to self, this could be a very good idea).

That’s the plan anyway… Up, up and awaaaayy…