Hearing four little words 鈥淲e need to talk鈥� strikes fear into men鈥檚 hearts. Those four little words mean you are about to be hit by a baseball bat of words.
But help is at hand, guys. Promise to go to couple counselling and see if that soothes the beast.
Men usually go kicking and screaming to couple counselling. It usually goes something like, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the point of all this yammering, haven鈥檛 we talked about these issues?鈥� or 鈥淣ot arguing saves time so why can鈥檛 we just carry on without any fuss?鈥�
Guys, you obviously haven鈥檛 been listening nor have you talked it out satisfactorily.
Couples, especially those that have been together a long time, form patterns of behaviours where every day they misunderstand each other. Assumptions are made and couples stop listening or being heard properly. We are all guilty of it, it鈥檚 called being human.
Now it鈥檚 time to ask how good is your relationship? You will already know deep down if it is good or not. Maybe it just needs a tune-up.
A trained counsellor will assess what stage a couple is in when consulting them for the first sessions. If couples argue regularly (bickering), but resolve issues while maintaining respect for each other, then only short-term counselling should be necessary to stop the bickering.
If couples argue regularly but don鈥檛 resolve issues, then there are normally other deeper issues at play that need to be resolved.
Then there is the couple that does not argue at all, even though there are issues upon issues, all buried. Each partner has by this stage decided not to speak his mind and just goes about daily domestic life without rocking the boat. Couples in this last stage are very likely to break up.
Good relationships are built on honesty and clarity. When we are really heard and when we really listen, amazing new things happen. Are you being heard and are you really listening to him?
An increasing number of gay men are taking up the challenge of counselling – often as the result of a last-ditch 鈥淟et鈥檚 fix this relationship or I鈥檓 outta here鈥�.
If you hear those four terrible, chilling, and evil words, 鈥淲e need to talk鈥�, don鈥檛 get scared. Say, 鈥淥kay I hear you, let鈥檚 make an appointment to see a couples counsellor鈥�.
If it鈥檚 worth saving your relationship, it鈥檚 money well spent. If you can鈥檛 save the relationship then you will be better equipped to understand what went wrong and learn how to change for the next spunk. Take care.
By GERRY NORTH
Gerry North is a qualified counsellor in Surry Hills. If you have an issue you want discussed, email him on [email protected]
