Why isn鈥檛 Penny Wong my friend? Gays know gays, right?
Like if you friend someone on Facebook who happens to be gay, you generally have at least five mutual gay friends, even if you didn鈥檛 realise your new friend was also friends with these friends. And there鈥檚 a good chance you鈥檝e both shagged at least one of them. I call this 鈥淭he Rainbow Connection鈥�.
So considering Australia鈥檚 queermunity is so inextricably bound together, how is it that neither I, nor any of my friends, are friends with Penny?
Is it because we don鈥檛 hang out at the same places? I鈥檝e been to Canberra once but the gay bar was shut. Next time I鈥檒l go suit-shopping and loiter in the pinstripe aisle, or find the hairdresser all the lesbians go to 鈥� every town has one.
Maybe she鈥檚 become a homely dyke who鈥檚 over the scene. I bet in her day Penny was a ladykiller 鈥� a smooth, sexy law grad who gave good verbal. I can imagine her monotone voice whispering sweet nothings about 鈥減olicy鈥� in some young femme鈥檚 ear.
I know there are a few gays out there who wouldn鈥檛 be on friendly terms with Penny. It took her ages to speak out against her party鈥檚 piss-weak stance on gay marriage 鈥� but politics is an aggressive game and as we all know, lesbians are naturally good at sport.
Penny waited 鈥檛il she had the best shot at goal before having a kick. Don鈥檛 hate the playa 鈥� hate the game. Right, Ice-T?
There鈥檚 no denying that she鈥檚 calm on field even when her opponents play dirty. Remember when she took down Liberal senator David Bushby for 鈥渕eowing鈥� at her? Penny stood her ground and slammed his sexist remark. I danced around and punched the air like I was warming up for a fight chanting, 鈥淕o Penny, Go Penny鈥�!
Penny Wong is breaking ground, even if we鈥檇 like her to break it quicker 鈥� the first openly gay member of the cabinet, the first Asian-born federal minister, the first lezzy Finance Minister mum and even a world-trending topic 鈥� if only #pennywong was my friend.
Maybe one day I鈥檒l find my pot of gold through the rainbow connection 鈥� even if we only end up Facebook friends.
