One of my gay guy buddies recently went to a sex-on-premises club for the first time. He usually avoids gay bars and longs to settle down with a non-sceney guy, so I was surprised to hear my friend had taken the plunge. I was also totally excited for him and eager to extract every tiny detail from his brain.
As a queer of the female variety, one of the few recreational spaces where I鈥檓 not catered for is the sex club. While my gay boy pals have a few men-only 鈥渟pa and sauna鈥� hang outs to choose from 鈥� which unlike the local public pool also feature porn lounges, dark rooms and something called a 鈥渟uckatorium鈥� 鈥� gay girls have no committed venue for onsite hanky panky. So I鈥檓 eager to know exactly what happens once you鈥檙e in there, aside from the obvious.
My friend said it cost around twenty bucks to get in and, to my disappointment, it wasn鈥檛 just full of guys getting slammed from behind. There was a lap pool, a spa and sauna, and a bar that also served tea, coffee and cake. What? Cake? At this point I felt insanely FOMO.
My pal stripped off and hopped into the spa where a burly man began to massage his shoulders. It all sounded rather nice. I could imagine lesbians getting into this super-friendly health retreat vibe. 鈥淲as there yoga too?鈥� I asked. 鈥淣ope,鈥� he said. 鈥淣o yoga.鈥� But they had a really fun maze apparently, as well as something that resembled a hammock made of leather and chains. He chose not to play
on that.
My friend hit it off with a nice gentleman in the spa, which was getting a bit crowded and soup-like, so they moved to another room to make out. They were having an excellent time fooling around until my buddy looked up and noticed ten other dudes staring right at them, vigorously jerking off.
鈥淲hoa. Was that a turn on?鈥� I asked excitedly. 鈥淣ooo,鈥� he said. They moved to a private room.
I didn鈥檛 ask for too much detail after that, but I did quiz him on other things. Like, 鈥淒id you have to have sex with everyone there?鈥� 鈥淣o, Mon.鈥� 鈥淥h, ok.鈥�
鈥淲ere you allowed to just hang out and talk and not have sex?鈥� 鈥淵es,鈥� he said. But it might be a bit weird. My friend also confessed he was probably more chatty than most guys in the club and was blanked by dudes he wasn鈥檛 even interested in.
Hmmm. I bet lesbians would talk. We鈥檇 probably get so engrossed in the conversation and cake we鈥檇 forget to have sex. Or we鈥檇 go home and have it in the comfort of our own bed. The cake, that is. Maybe sex.
Joking, kind of. But I鈥檓 guessing lesbian sex clubs don鈥檛 exist because the demand isn鈥檛 great enough. Ladies, is this a case of queer girls being shortchanged or are we simply not interested?
