South Australian Queer Couple To Raise Child Genderless
The bin year that was 2020 is finally behind us and 2021 has brought some good news. A South Australian couple, who are expecting their baby later in 2021 have decided to bring up their child genderless.聽Agender and queer couple Emryk Prout and Jordan Watson said they will leave it to their child to decide for themselves about the gender they identify with.
Star Observer spoke to Emryk and Jordan after they announced the decision on social media.
The couple had met 14 years ago at school where they became best friends. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago when they moved in together that love blossomed.
An Equal Relationship
Their relationship does not fall into the categories of binary normality, but instead works on shared roles, responsibilities and an equal partnership. When they decided to start a family, it was a joint call after much deliberation.聽
鈥�Emryk had always wanted to carry children, it was only ever a matter of when and how. For Jordan they always assumed that being queer meant that having biological children would not be an option, so they never put much thought into it. That changed when we got together,” said the couple.聽
“We had multiple conversations about why we wanted children and on parenting styles. We found that we agreed with each other. We thought about the happiness and opportunities we would be able to provide to a child and our decision was made. We were ready to add to our family.”
The couple decided against medical assistance to have a child and instead decided to do it naturally. Emryk is now 15 weeks pregnant. The conversations between the couple led them to their next decision that they will raise their child genderless.
鈥淲e believe gender identity is not determined by physical markers, like genitalia, nor by our DNA. For this reason, we will be offering our child equal access to all clothes, toys and activities, and using they/them pronouns for them until the child says otherwise. We both as adults have been able to recognise experiences and opportunities that we missed out on as a result of being raised in a binary, cis normative environment, and we just want to make sure our child does not have those limitations,” the couple explained.
‘Will you respect our child鈥檚 pronouns?’
The couple have started planning for the child’s future and education as well. They learnt from other parents that some schools have started teaching students about pronouns and the use of they/them.
“We already have a few early learning centres and schools we are interested in and have prepared a list of questions we feel are important to ask. Questions like ‘Will you respect our child鈥檚 pronouns?’ and ‘Will they be allowed to wear all options of the school uniform?’, as well as asking about their policies and plan of action, if our child does receive undue comments from their teachers or peers,” said the couple.
鈥淲e do expect to have to educate some places, as most queer individuals must, and we will be happy to facilitate those conversations and answer respectful questions.鈥�
The couple were apprehensive about how family and friends would respond to their decisions, but have found overwhelming support despite the odd skeptic.
‘Kids in the family had a question or two!’
鈥�We have received a lot of support and understanding from our family and friends. We have a loving queer family that we have created who are all excited to have a little one around. The kids of the family had a question or two about which one of us was carrying, but they have all been amazing at understanding that our child will not be a girl, boy, or otherwise until they make that choice for themselves.”
“There have been a few who are having trouble with respecting our decision and believe that we are raising the baby 鈥渢rans鈥� or 鈥渘on-binary鈥�. That is not the case, we are simply just not raising them cis-assumed.聽 We do not expect people to understand or agree with our parenting style, however we do ask that we are met with respect, like every person should be.鈥�
All the best to the new couple and the future of their child.聽聽
Like it or not, this child will be subjected to possibly the worst bullying imaginable once it reaches Primary School Age. How will this couple start out dressing their child once it stops being just a tiny baby? Who will decide what style of clothes it wears? As jeans, tees, polo tops, socks and shoes are as near to unisex as we can get does this mean the parents, not the child, will decide that it is not going to wear skirts and dresses. Are State and/or Private Schools ready to accept this genderless child? Which toilet will it use, or rather, will it be allowed to use? As yet, and it is doubtful any school will introduce a Unisex Toilet for just one child, school toilets are gender-based so which one will it be required to use? My guess is that the schools will insist it uses the toilet based on it’s genitalia. Just imagine the abuse it will be subjected to if it has male genitals, dresses in a skirt or dress and goes to the toilet assigned to those with male genitals. Girls can be every bit as abusive as boys. How do these parents think the girls will react if this child has male genitals and tries to use the tpoilets assigned to people with Female genitals?
This idea may be accepted by family and friends but is the rest of the population so accepting? What sort of mental torture will this child go through diring these very formative years? Are these parents in fact exposing this child to unprecedented mentals and/or physical abuse or both?
Ridiculous – no wonder small certain sections of our community make us the laughing stock among the wider community. As one who was an activist for many years fighting for recognition and acceptance for gay and queer people, I’m sorry to see things go this way. In my view, some of the younger people have lost the plot.
I have to ask why is sex or gender still in 2021 on documents and forms, such as passports and birth certificates? As a cis gay man I say just abolish the whole lot and give each individual a QR code – problem solved immediately! ????锔忊��????
Confused why I鈥檓 reading a story about a straight couple having a baby.
I raised my kids until they were at school in a gender neutral way and deliberately avoided dressing them in ways that shouted either gender, I was firm on their developing manners and empathy for others but I never expected them to be performative and allowed, supported and protected them to have their personal and emotional boundaries.
It was fascinating how people spoke to them as toddlers and little kids as they assumed a gender. Gender is both a physicality but more so a social construct. There is absolutely no harm to society for allowing and supporting anyone to be free from the assumptions and bindings that these traditional concepts create for us all.