Rudderless
鈥淵ou鈥檙e not writing about Julia Gillard this week, are you?鈥�
鈥淓r, well, yes, actually.鈥�
鈥淐an鈥檛 you find something else to write about? Everybody鈥檚 writing about her. Why don鈥檛 you write about Him instead?鈥�
鈥淲ho? Her boyfriend? What鈥檚 so interesting about him? He鈥檚 a hairdresser, right? That鈥檚 interesting?鈥�
鈥淒idn鈥檛 you ever see Shampoo? That hairdresser George 鈥� you remember, Warren Beatty 鈥� was very 鈥榠nteresting鈥�, wasn鈥檛 he? Rode a motorbike, shagged all the ladies.鈥�
鈥淲hat鈥檚 that got to do with whatsisname … Tim?鈥�
鈥淲ell, he was a hairdresser and he rode a motorbike.鈥�
鈥淎re you suggesting that The First Bloke is a pussyhound?鈥�
鈥淟isten to this. This is someone he used to work for. 鈥楬e was a very bubbly guy.鈥� Well, there you are!鈥�
鈥淥h fer Chrissakes!! All hairdressers are bubbly. It鈥檚 part of the job! Doesn鈥檛 mean they鈥檙e shagging the customers.鈥�
鈥淥h don鈥檛 be so naive. 鈥楾hey met at the salon but he never cut her hair.鈥� Not in public, anyhow!!鈥�
鈥淵ou have a filthy mind.鈥�
鈥淟ucky for you. Mind you, she鈥檚 no Sunday school teacher, either. Says on Wikipedia, 鈥榮ince 2006 Tim Mathieson, blah, blah, previous relationships with union officials Michael O鈥機onnor and Bruce Wilson and fellow federal Labor MP Craig Emerson鈥�. Yeah, that we know of. And she鈥檚 what, 48, 49? How many husbands had you had by the time you were 50?鈥�
鈥淔ive, if we count you. What鈥檚 that got to do with it?鈥�
鈥淪he鈥檚 not married.鈥�
鈥淵es, but what鈥檚 your bloody point?鈥�
鈥淪he鈥檚 what used to be called a liberated woman, that鈥檚 the point. Bit of hope for us in that, don鈥檛 you think? You know. Liberated. Uninhibited. Swingers.鈥�
鈥淥h don鈥檛 be daft! What do you think she鈥檚 going to do 鈥� get them to throw their car keys into a bowl at Cabinet meetings??鈥�
鈥淚diot! I mean, she鈥檒l be sympathetic. Listen to this in The Age: 鈥業鈥檇 say I鈥檓 a truly modern person鈥� 鈥� she says she鈥檚 less conservative than Rudd on 鈥榮ome of the conscience questions鈥�. 鈥�
鈥淎苍诲?鈥�
鈥淲ell a woman like that鈥檚 got to be better for us than Mr and Mrs Church Doorstop, hasn鈥檛 she? Mind you, I bet she won鈥檛 let us get married.鈥�
鈥淲ell, if she鈥檚 as 鈥榤odern鈥� and 鈥榣iberated鈥� as you make out, why ever not?鈥�
鈥淧eace in the house, darl. Can you imagine the row back in Altona? 鈥榊ou鈥檇 let every Tom, Dick and Harry Hairdresser marry each another, but you won鈥檛 marry me, Julia?鈥� She鈥檇 never risk it.鈥�
鈥淵ou could be right.鈥�
鈥淎nyway, don鈥檛 write about Julia this week.鈥�
鈥淎ll right. I promise. Anything for peace in the house.鈥�
鈥淕ood. Write about The First Bloke instead, and I鈥檒l give you what he gives the Prime Minister. I鈥檓 in the mood for a blow-dry.鈥�
