Growing up “ace”
SEX always made Nic Spunde uncomfortable, long before they began identifying as asexual, or 鈥渁ce鈥�.
At school their classmates would talk about sex, but those desires just didn鈥檛 exist for Spunde.
鈥淚 got sent to a boy鈥檚 school and I became aware I was different and weird,鈥� they told the Star Observer.
鈥淪ex always grossed me out, so I went through a stage of thinking I was supposed to make myself interested in sex 鈥� I ended up in an eleven-year relationship, but the sex and romance didn鈥檛 work.
鈥淎fter that I didn鈥檛 care if I never had sex again.鈥�
Asexuality is a sexual identity like homosexuality or heterosexuality, and an ace person is someone who doesn鈥檛 experience sexual attraction.
Though much like any sexual identity, it sits on a spectrum: some asexual people still experience romantic attraction, and others don鈥檛, while some ace people have sex, and others don鈥檛.
Spunde only discovered the word 鈥渁sexual鈥� as an adult.
鈥淲hen I was young it always felt like something was wrong with me, but once I heard the word asexual I knew it was me,鈥� they said.
鈥淏ut I went through the process of questioning it for a while, speaking with people and going through medical tests.
鈥淢ost psychologists don鈥檛 accept it and pressure you into dating鈥� it was rare to find a counsellor who found asexuality okay.鈥�
Spunde said the sexual identities of ace people are often ignored, or denied.
鈥淧eople treat you like you鈥檙e lying, like you鈥檙e talking bullshit,鈥� they said.
鈥淲hen I was around straight people who would talk about sex and focus on sex a lot, it was hard for me.
鈥淭hey don鈥檛 think you鈥檙e a freak, they just think you鈥檙e making stuff up, and so a lot of the negative feelings I had about myself were internal.鈥�
Spunde is currently undergoing a gender transition, and said that in the trans world many have assumed their transition would by extension somehow make their asexuality go away.
However, Spunde said they can鈥檛 begin feeling desire for something they never have before.
鈥淭he gender stuff doesn鈥檛 affect how I feel about it, and it鈥檚 not the reason I鈥檓 asexual,鈥� they said.
鈥淲hen I was first coming out trans people would assume I鈥檇 suddenly be interested in sex.
鈥淭hey鈥檇 say, one day someone鈥檚 going to fuck your brains out and you鈥檒l see how great it is.
鈥淎nd I鈥檇 just say, no 鈥� I won鈥檛.鈥�
Spunde is currently performing their show Asexual Healing as part of Melbourne鈥檚 Fringe Festival.
In their first solo show, Spunde uses personal stories from their own life to offer a humourous view of an often invisible sexual identity.
鈥淎rt addressing different aspects of queer identity is a powerful way to engage people,鈥� they said.
鈥淲hen I was a teen there was almost nothing for queer people 鈥� and there certainly wasn鈥檛 for ace people.
鈥淚t鈥檚 powerful to see your identity reflected in a show.鈥�
Nic Spunde鈥檚 Asexual Healing opened last night in Melbourne and runs until September 24. .
