Spornography
Sometimes, cheap porn can be the most potent.
I don’t mean that DIY kind you find on the internet, those homemade jpegs of homies baring all and sundry for all and sundry. That’s just ick.
I’m talking about images of male bodies in their absolute prime, pumped to perfection and masculine beyond measure. These are images of full-grown men, clutching each other’s bodies, throwing caution to the goddamned wind, and grappling sweatily with one another in horn-inducing combinations of two, three, four and more.
I’m talking, of course, about the footy pages.
It is miraculous to me that these images can be found, in abundance, right there in the pages of our daily newspapers. And so cheap!
On Sundays and Mondays, we get the game shots: those saucy pics of tackles, which almost always feature some bloke getting his hand, or better yet, his face, pushed into some other bloke’s crotch or, better yet, his bum.
Then, in that interminable stretch between weekends, we get the training shots, capturing the players going through their routines, usually shirts-off and tits-out.
And increasingly, the clubs seem happy for their players to be photographed at a strange but excellent ritual known as the team bonding chill-out session. Cue: photos of players in their boardies and Speedos, skylarking about on beaches and in pools. Hot.
It helps, of course, that there seems to be a bumper crop of horn-bags playing footy at the moment, especially in League. Here we have the man-boys: the Braith Anastas and the Craig Wings and the Sonny Bill Williamses; players with big bulging bodies and smooth, moisturised faces, whose noses are not yet flattened and whose ears are not yet cauliflowered. They are the perfect if slightly implausible mix of brute and cute, a beautiful union of qualities loved by the game’s marketing managers, and many, many gay men.
Of course, not all of us go for the same look. There are many who prefer a slimmer, finer physique, less bulky in bearing and less blokey in attitude.
Fortunately, these guys don’t have to look too far to find what they want: images of male bodies in their absolute prime, cut to perfection and sexy beyond measure.
I’m talking, of course, about the swimming pages. It’s just awesome to be gay sometimes, isn’t it?
