‘It’s not a choice and it’s not celibacy’: asexual advocate speaks at Melbourne conference
Image: Emily Gornalle. Image: Sebastian Rice.
Asexual advocate in Melbourne, Emily Gornalle, explained asexuality at the recent Pride in Diversity conference, detailing what it was like to be asexual in the workplace.
LGBTI is sometimes extended into LGBTIQA+, but not everyone understands all of the letters鈥攁sexuality is the A, and it describes people in our community who don鈥檛 feel sexual attraction.
“This basically means that I won鈥檛 look at someone and say 鈥榃ow, I鈥檓 turned on by them”. Just doesn鈥檛 happen,鈥� said Gornalle.
鈥淚t鈥檚 like not being hungry. Asexuals still have the ability to eat food鈥� but we don鈥檛 feel hunger.
鈥淔or those of you who are tech heads, this might make more sense: the hardware operates; there just aren鈥檛 any drivers for it.鈥�
Gornalle dispelled some myths about asexuality, noting that sexual attraction and sexual behaviour are not the same thing.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not a choice, and it鈥檚 not celibacy,鈥� she said.
鈥淎sexuality is not being hungry. Celibacy is being on a diet. Abstinence is waiting for the right chef to make your food.鈥�
Gornalle said asexuals are often wrongly thought of as just 鈥渓ate bloomers鈥� or even mentally ill, but these are also misconceptions.
She said the number of people who are asexual, or ace, in the community is significant.
鈥淓arly studies have placed the percentage of the population at about 1 per cent, but these are early studies when visibility was even worse than it is now, so my gut feeling is that the rate is higher,鈥� she said.
鈥淭ry to think of a bell curve鈥攎ost of the population falls into average middle. Some peopleto the right experience the rate of sexual attraction more frequently. And down here on the left are the ones who experience it little to none. That鈥檚 us.鈥�
Gornalle explained that romantic attraction is different to sexual attraction, and many asexuals have romantic relationships.
鈥淚t鈥檚 all the other stuff that comes in a relationship: the emotional intimacy, not the physical intimacy,鈥� she said.
鈥淎ces have relationships the same way that others have relationships: with open communication, with trust, with bad jokes at three in the morning and bribing each other to do the dishes.
鈥淪ome aces are willing to have sex with their partner, some aren鈥檛. It all comes down to communication.鈥�
Gornalle said some asexuals are drawn to a particular gender鈥攖hey may be homoromantic, for example, meaning attracted to the same gender but not sexually.
She called on the community to be more inclusive of diverse identities, including asexuality.
鈥淏e inclusive. Add asexual to your list of options and try to include it in the acronym,鈥� she said.
鈥淲e don鈥檛 need special treatment but we do need to be recognised as existing.鈥�
